Since I made the decision to commit to this journey once and for all I guess Id better figure out a plan for myself. Making a plan can be scary but is definitely necessary. I say it can be scary because Ive made such lofty plans before and never followed through. Ive decided this time though that I have to succeed as my life depends on it! I figure I must follow a Dr. Phil-ism....Dr. Phil says, If you do what you've always done, your gonna get what you've always gotten! LOL Gotta love some of those sayings!! Anyways, what he means is if we are to succeed we must try something different than the same failed plans that we tried before. They only led us to failure. Perhaps not even the plans themselves but the attitude towards them, the commitment put forth, etc..
In light of this, Iver decided to try something completely different! Ive decided to make myself super accountable! Ive decided that although I might not always make the best choices everyday, I must take responsibility for those choices. You see what I feel got me into this mess in the first place was not taking accountability for my life. One day melted into the next, eating, bingeing, lazing around. I never thought twice about it half the time until I had to go out in public and face my reality. I just didn't care about myself, or at least enough to make my life meaningful. This is what I am going to change!
I'm going to take all my measurements and post them. I'm going to Keep a food diary. I'm going to keep an exercise diary. I'm going to post my weigh in results weekly. I'm going to try drinking more water and planning my meals. I'm going to blog, blog, blog. Hell, I might even post some pictures at some point!
How do you make your self accountable??
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Oh the memories.....
I was thinking today about a few of the things that I should keep in my mind to inspire me to keep on the straight and narrow path to success. One of the things I thought Id like to keep my focus on was my memories of being thin and healthy. You know that saying `` Nothing tastes as good as thin feels``. Well let me tell you, it is the truth. It wasnt just the way my body felt, or me being in it rather, but how I felt about myself. Confident, pretty, powerful, semi-normal..lol. I think it was nice to just feel like a regular person. Oh the preoccupied mind of the heavy set! I know it may not seem evident to the thin person but overweight people everywhere Im sure can relate.
When you are overweight you have such a heavy burden to carry. Not only the weight itself but all the thoughts and actions that go along with it. For example, we are true multi-taskers! I mean sometimes even just a conversation with someone we might not know so well can turn into a stressful situation....I better not laugh too hardily as it pronounces my double chin, is my shirt clinging, I know its clinging, better keep pulling it down every 10 seconds like some sort of freak. Is this person noticing me pulling my shirt down too often. If I hold my purse in front of me it might hide my belly better, or I just wont take my jacket off but its hot as hell. I wonder if they know Im not taking my jacket off cause I dont want them to see my enormity.
Im sure you get the picture. These thoughts and actions are exhausting! Talk about never being in the moment! Im suprised I can even concentrate on what a person is saying half the time! This is why Im going to focus on how it will feel to once again be thin and not focus on the elephant in the room (no pun intended but come on...lol) I want to move forward so that is where I will place my focus. I remember the better days and that is where Im headed....Where is your head at when you need some focus?
When you are overweight you have such a heavy burden to carry. Not only the weight itself but all the thoughts and actions that go along with it. For example, we are true multi-taskers! I mean sometimes even just a conversation with someone we might not know so well can turn into a stressful situation....I better not laugh too hardily as it pronounces my double chin, is my shirt clinging, I know its clinging, better keep pulling it down every 10 seconds like some sort of freak. Is this person noticing me pulling my shirt down too often. If I hold my purse in front of me it might hide my belly better, or I just wont take my jacket off but its hot as hell. I wonder if they know Im not taking my jacket off cause I dont want them to see my enormity.
Im sure you get the picture. These thoughts and actions are exhausting! Talk about never being in the moment! Im suprised I can even concentrate on what a person is saying half the time! This is why Im going to focus on how it will feel to once again be thin and not focus on the elephant in the room (no pun intended but come on...lol) I want to move forward so that is where I will place my focus. I remember the better days and that is where Im headed....Where is your head at when you need some focus?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Reasons why...
Hello big world out there! Welcome to my blog. I just want to drag you along on my journey back to me! Quite a few years ago I got myself in a bad funk. You see I just didn't care anymore, about pretty much anything. That led me into a downward spiral of despair that I wallowed in for a very very very long time. Boy did I get fat. I swallowed my feelings alright, my feelings and just about everything else that was convenient and soothing. I gained over 150lbs! It almost doesn't seem real to me. I started out hating my life and ended up hating me.
I now weight 302.6lbs,(311.4 at my heaviest)...yikes. Ive learned a lot from being fat. I actually knew these things when I was thin but just never had to live it. Now I live it every day. The world just does not like fat people. I'm not crying the blues, I'm just saying. I had a great figure until I was in my late twenties and then the trouble began. I got to see both sides of the coin and I can sure tell you which side I liked better! Here are the top ten reasons I hate being obese.....(drum roll please....)
10. Not fitting, worrying about not fitting - Gone are the days of roller coasters, compact cars and travelling by plane, at least without anxiety! I remember the flight to my honeymoon. The seat belt was so tight I spent the whole first day in pain. I would never ask for a seat belt extender and at the time I didn't even know such a thing existed. What a pain in the A$$!
9. All things flowery and elastic waists - Just because I'm fat does not mean I have no fashion sense. I am not an old lady, nor do I wish to resemble the furniture at my grandmothers place. I am not so fat that I need an elastic waist on my clothes and if anyone thinks that will make me feel MORE comfortable, they are wrong!
8. Holidays - Christmas, Easter, weddings, even birthdays. All these cause me great anxiety and grief. Nothing to wear, everyone I haven't seen in forever talking about how much fatter Ive got from last year. OK, maybe they don`t say it to my face but I know they are all thinking it. All my fault...man it sucks!!
7. Being Uncomfortable - I'm uncomfortable in the summer because it`s too hot and all the weight doesn't help. I'm uncomfortable in the winter because you have to wear extra clothes and that only makes me appear bigger thus I'm more uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable in my clothes since at the best of times they don't fit right. Even being naked is uncomfortable, actually the most uncomfortable since it`s reality at its finest!!! eeks!
6. Eating in Public - Lets face it. Everyone judges what you eat when you're fat. If you eat something not so healthy people think ``No wonder she`s so fat, look what she is eating`` if you are eating a salad, people think ``who does she think she is fooling, she didn't get that big eating salads!`` Its true, people think that, don't deny it....
5. Being Unhealthy - Oh the perils of being fat, high blood pressure, Diabetes, heart attacks lurking around every corner. Dreading annual checkups or having all too many visits to the doctor as a result of being over weight. I'm entirely sick of it. No pun intended. teehee.
4. Never wanting my photo taken - Besides being immortalized in a horrible photo that makes me look fatter than I actually am, being tagged on facebook in that photo is even worse! I don't even have a profile picture up on facebook I'm so embarrassed. I feel so horrible not having family photos with my kids and hubby. Get the picture.
3. Bathing suit horror - OK, need I explain? If this title seems a bit over the top to you then you then maybe you don't need to lose that much weight.
2. Mirrors - Just when you think you're having a pretty good day along comes this idiot to screw things up. Thanks a lot Mirror.
1. ALL of the above + 1000 - I'm sure this needs no explanation.
Well there you have it. My top 10. Im sure there are other more irritating things I could have put in my Top 10 but those were just the ones that came to mind. They all suck. These reasons plus a million other reasons I never mentioned are the reason why Im so done with being overweight.
I want to have a love affair with my mirror and frame family pictures, feel pretty and confident and healthy. Im so done with this bull that has ruined my life. Feel free to follow me and my musings on my journey of reduction. Approx 150lbs to go. One day at a time!!
I now weight 302.6lbs,(311.4 at my heaviest)...yikes. Ive learned a lot from being fat. I actually knew these things when I was thin but just never had to live it. Now I live it every day. The world just does not like fat people. I'm not crying the blues, I'm just saying. I had a great figure until I was in my late twenties and then the trouble began. I got to see both sides of the coin and I can sure tell you which side I liked better! Here are the top ten reasons I hate being obese.....(drum roll please....)
10. Not fitting, worrying about not fitting - Gone are the days of roller coasters, compact cars and travelling by plane, at least without anxiety! I remember the flight to my honeymoon. The seat belt was so tight I spent the whole first day in pain. I would never ask for a seat belt extender and at the time I didn't even know such a thing existed. What a pain in the A$$!
9. All things flowery and elastic waists - Just because I'm fat does not mean I have no fashion sense. I am not an old lady, nor do I wish to resemble the furniture at my grandmothers place. I am not so fat that I need an elastic waist on my clothes and if anyone thinks that will make me feel MORE comfortable, they are wrong!
8. Holidays - Christmas, Easter, weddings, even birthdays. All these cause me great anxiety and grief. Nothing to wear, everyone I haven't seen in forever talking about how much fatter Ive got from last year. OK, maybe they don`t say it to my face but I know they are all thinking it. All my fault...man it sucks!!
7. Being Uncomfortable - I'm uncomfortable in the summer because it`s too hot and all the weight doesn't help. I'm uncomfortable in the winter because you have to wear extra clothes and that only makes me appear bigger thus I'm more uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable in my clothes since at the best of times they don't fit right. Even being naked is uncomfortable, actually the most uncomfortable since it`s reality at its finest!!! eeks!
6. Eating in Public - Lets face it. Everyone judges what you eat when you're fat. If you eat something not so healthy people think ``No wonder she`s so fat, look what she is eating`` if you are eating a salad, people think ``who does she think she is fooling, she didn't get that big eating salads!`` Its true, people think that, don't deny it....
5. Being Unhealthy - Oh the perils of being fat, high blood pressure, Diabetes, heart attacks lurking around every corner. Dreading annual checkups or having all too many visits to the doctor as a result of being over weight. I'm entirely sick of it. No pun intended. teehee.
4. Never wanting my photo taken - Besides being immortalized in a horrible photo that makes me look fatter than I actually am, being tagged on facebook in that photo is even worse! I don't even have a profile picture up on facebook I'm so embarrassed. I feel so horrible not having family photos with my kids and hubby. Get the picture.
3. Bathing suit horror - OK, need I explain? If this title seems a bit over the top to you then you then maybe you don't need to lose that much weight.
2. Mirrors - Just when you think you're having a pretty good day along comes this idiot to screw things up. Thanks a lot Mirror.
1. ALL of the above + 1000 - I'm sure this needs no explanation.
Well there you have it. My top 10. Im sure there are other more irritating things I could have put in my Top 10 but those were just the ones that came to mind. They all suck. These reasons plus a million other reasons I never mentioned are the reason why Im so done with being overweight.
I want to have a love affair with my mirror and frame family pictures, feel pretty and confident and healthy. Im so done with this bull that has ruined my life. Feel free to follow me and my musings on my journey of reduction. Approx 150lbs to go. One day at a time!!
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